It’s funny, but I really thought about leaving out my counseling stories now that I am refocusing on my blog, but I realized that they are so much a part of who I have become, so much a part of my journey, that I couldn’t not add them in and still remain true. So here it is. lol
There are so many assumptions that are made when it comes to the world of therapy/counseling, especially when you are talking about a Christian. Some believe it is only for those who are grieving, or those who are “crazy”, or extremely depressed.. others are of the school of thought that it is for rich house wives or t.v. personalities who are over indulgent and spend way to much time self absorbed. lol I will admit, I fell somewhere in this crowd, maybe not completely, but at least partially for a good part of my life. I felt like as a Christian, I should be able to pray away my bad thoughts, my hurt, anger, feelings of abandonment, and issues that sometimes took over or got in the way with me living my life. I thought that as a grown up, you just learned to deal with life’s trials, and whatever happened in the past should be forgotten, let go of and that you should just be able to keep it moving. And right about that time, God showed me that for me at least that wasn’t the case.
My journey with counseling began about two and a half years ago. Like a lot of women out there, I was extremely torn up because I had just ended a very close relationship and I was pretty devastated. This particular relationship for me was worse than the typical break up because it was not a clean break. There was no one thing that created the tension, the distrust, etc. Instead it took about 6 months of a high pace death defying roller coaster before my heart plummeted to the ground. lol And when it happened, when it finally ended, I was pretty lost. And so, after hearing a sermon about taking care of yourself mentally (Thanks God) and a revelation by my pastor that he, himself had been through counseling (Thanks Bishop). I decided that I would give it a try. Just one meeting, one time where I would go in, talk about my broken heart and she would tell me how to fix it, so I could move on.
And in a lot of ways, that is just what happened. Except, I very quickly realized that it wasn’t just that piece of my heart that was broken. There were many different pieces, all from different events, relationships, things in my life and from my past that had caused little rips/snags, tears in my heart. And all of these pieces were being held together by a little glue and tape. lol Don’t get me wrong, I have always been a pretty happy girl, bubbly, slightly.. ok not so slightly sarcastic, funny, a little wacky, etc. But there was also this other part of me, that no one really got to see or know, the part that was terrified of rejection, of failure, of abandonment, of being hurt. The part that I hid under half truths, and layers of avoidance, cover ups. So when things fell apart that time, all of those little pieces, fell apart with it. BUT, and this is a big BUT (hence the capitalization, lol) Thank God it did! Because I began this incredible journey, full of crying and laughter, victories and set backs, which all lead me here. Whole, complete, and loving the skin that I am in.
Those who know me well, already know many of the stories that I will share in this section, only for them, my counselor says.. would be retitled.. “According to Elizabeth..” You see, she has become a major part of my life, she has in some ways if not saved my life, changed it dramatically.. well her and God, with a little help from me and my journal. LOL Maybe some of the things I have been through can help someone else to grow, maybe it will just give a good laugh or a commiserating sigh.. anyway it goes, it hasn’t all been pretty, it hasn’t all been fun.. But one thing I can say, it has been real.
